4.24.16.

A friend of mine opened up about his struggle with depression today. I wish I had the guts to do that.

Someday I will.

Just not today.

4.4.16.

So when I got home from work today I watched an episode of Chicago med to let my brain not have to think for a while. There was a character who tried to commit suicide, he stepped in front of a car but when he was in the ER he said he wasn't paying attention and just stepped right in front of it by accident but the psychiatrist saw through it and put him on suicide watch and wouldn't let him leave the hospital. The guy was adamant that he wasn't depressed until finally be broke down and admitted it. It was just so real. It hit home. I want help, I want someone to see through me.

3.30.16

Today started out hard. It was a struggle to get out of bed, but when is it not?
It was hard to go to school and live, it was hard to function.
Not only was I depressed today but I had a really bad migraine too.
Because I had a migraine I didn't feel so empty today, I was just in excruciating pain. It hurts to have my eyes open sometimes.
Another day went by that I was able to prevent myself from self harm.
Another day, no new scars.
That's progress for me.

My story isn't over;

With love,
Reece

3.29.16.

It's hard for me to be brutally honest when I know there are people out there somewhere reading this.

Tonight I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to inflict pain on myself so that I would feel something other than empty. But I didn't hurt myself, so I'm making baby steps of progress.

As the weather is getting nicer it's getting harder for me to hurt myself because it's becoming harder to cover it up. It's not exactly sweatshirt weather anymore.

Spent another night google searching support groups without ever reaching out to anyone for help.

Tomorrow will be a new day, a better day.

With love,
Reece

3.19.16

Shout out to the couple people in Poland, Sweden, and the Ukraine for finding my blog.

I'm still here. I've had a lot of good days and not too many bad days lately. So I haven't felt the need to post for a while.

Today is okay.

Okay is progress.

Life is all about progress, right?

2.23.16.

My story started a little more then nineteen years ago. Most days I struggle with depression. This blog will be my semi-colon story.

I'm your average Midwestern girl. I'm from small town, middle of no where Iowa. That's Iowa the corn state, not Idaho the potato state. People get the two confused a lot and most people who aren't from the Midwest can't place Iowa on a map. We border the Mississippi and are about smack-dab in the middle of the country.

I grew up on an acreage living a normal life. I was a 4-Her and have had many pets. My pets are very important to me, they are one of the reasons I get out of bed every day. I will probably share about them a lot.

I'm a college student. College is a source of a lot of stress for me, and stress triggers serious depression episodes at times. In fact right now I should be writing a journal for my ethics class but instead I'm writing this.

Today was rough - so that's why I'm here. They say once you put something on the internet you can never take it back. I'm ready to tell someone, anyone my story. No taking it back anymore.

This is the start of my healing process. I'm not telling anyone I know about this blog. So if you find this and read this - thank you. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone.

Tell someone you love them tonight.

Til next time;
Reece